Just Arrived! July 16, I left the Boston Airport by bus to head back home. The ride there was a little sad but good to spend with a dea...
Okay ladies and gentlemen, a little life lesson from my perspective as a young girl growing up. First let me say this blog is not meant...
So this brings back memories! I was at the dollar store yesterday and found some matte blue lipstick. I got super excited because usually...
December 2, 2016
I love craft fairs! And this year I was lucky enough to have one 3 minutes from my house. My husband and I managed to find a couple hours before we both had to work. This is the first time we had been to the local Craft Fair so we had no idea what to expect. If we had any expectations they were surely exceeded.
The Bonnie Eagle High School Craft Fair was amazing. So many beautiful handmade things. Scarves, hats, gloves, felt ornaments, ribbon ornaments, wooden boxes, paintings, pressed flowers, quilts, wreaths, and jewelry.
As soon as you walked into the building tables with hand crafted wood works and hand painted projects filled the hallway. When you finally got through the hallway, you enter the gymnasium now turned into a craft bazaar. After about an hour or so in the gym you make your way back into the hall and realize there is a whole other hallway leading deeper into the school filled with more vendors side by side. They snake around most of the halls lined up against lockers and find your way to the cafeteria where all the tables have been replaced by more vendors and hand made crafts.
If you are ever in Maine and passing through Buxton or Standish, Maine I strongly suggest visiting when around November to stop in to Craft Fair.
Have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday
November 18, 2016
My church gathered together to have a Workday. One day where we all clean and organize the church. Rooms that have been collecting donated books and clothes. Dusting lamps, painting walls, and washing the windows. Moving the chairs and vacuuming. And after the work was done, we all ate a big meal together and even had pie!
While I was cleaning I couldn't help but think of my chores when I lived at home as a teenager. Making sure my bed was made, room picked up, and the dreaded spring cleaning the whole family would have to partake in every year. This reminded me so much of being like a child with all my siblings running around each of us with our assigned job to do.
Our Pastor explained that the work day was necessary due to Thanksgiving coming up. And since we plan on inviting company to the church to share in a big Thanksgiving meal, what do you usually do when one invites guests to one's home? Clean! Pastor Scott also wanted us to understand that the cleaning wasn't just to get the church some free labor, but a way for us to connect with one another that we normal wouldn't. He explained that as a family we only see each other one day a week and really only speak to each other for a few quick minutes before service starts. A few minutes isn't really long enough for you to get to know anyone. A quick, "Hello, how are you?" Won't tell you that that person is really struggling or really hurt or even if they have had wonderful news.
This never occurs to us on a daily basis. Saying hello to someone every day who gets coffee at your coffee shop is a nice gesture, however, you never really get to know the person and what their life it like. Where as a family knows everything about each other. Who's grounded, who gets to go to the movies, who is has to write a three page essay or give a speech at work.
So coming back to scrubbing church window sills, moving furniture and painting walls; I can't help but notice that Pastor Scott was right. One woman's arm was in a sling, she might have to have surgery, a man had to take a seat because of his low blood sugar, another woman explained she was uncomfortable with having her picture taken and posted online. As I cleaned I kept thinking about being a child and cleaning my parents' and thinking how fitting that I would clean my Father's house as well. Not only do I come and visit him on a weekly basis but I visit with my siblings too, and now we have done our chores and readied the house for visitors!
I'm excited for the Thanksgiving Dinner my church is hosting and even more that I received the visual that God is more of a Father figure to me in many other ways now. Not just because I trust in him to look out for me as a father would his child, but because I truly am his child and my siblings and I got together and cleaned his house. We respect our parent enough to meet and work together and in turn show love for one another as well.
Have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday
October 26, 2016
EsteemPinterest I came across this artwork and immediately felt connected to it. Sad? Yes, but even as an adult we still have self esteem issues. They just tend to warp into other things. Instead of being self conscious about your body you are always judging your career or material items like cars, and other things based on those around you. Instead of focusing on building yourself, you're too busy watching someone else climb to new heights, through their career or some grand adventure. There's nothing wrong with this, we all do it. The trick is not to fall into it for years.
My self esteem issues fluctuate. There are times when I am disappointed in my career and other times I am thankful for the people I have met along the way and know I wouldn't have met them otherwise. Or some of the things I have experienced. This week's issues are the things people say to me.
Everyone get's their feelings hurt. That's normal. Maybe you get a little embarrassed but you learn from your mistakes. Sometimes we can't help who we are though. Or the people doing the talking don't realize what they are saying. My own personal issue is dwelling. I like to repeat what people say to me over and over again in my head. My mind manipulates what they say and maximizes it, putting more meaning into their words. They do not come right out and tell me they hate me, but that is what I hear. Angry words said aloud turn into sad thoughts and memories later.
My husband and I are different in many ways. I dwell on things and he likes to keep the past in the past. I am my own worst enemy. In truth, we all are. We all can make anything happen if we would only get out of our own way. Fear is a common self esteem factor. What if that? What if this? I stop and look both ways. My husband glances left and right and jumps. I think that's why we do so well together. Because I can fester and dwell, repeating things in my head again and again, finally tell my husband how I heard it and what it has done to me mentally and he can turn around and say screw them and move on. He shrugs it off, tells me what I need to hear and we keep going.
But the words are still in my head. The tone in which it was said is still warm from the hot poker it was imprinted with. They still sting my eyes when I think of them.
How am I going to solve my slump?
1) Remember that I can not change those around me. They will always be who they are no matter how much I try to change for them.
2) Remember that the things they say aren't who I am.
3) Remember that I am stronger than their words.
4) Remember they are just words meant in that moment and they do not reflect the person as a whole.
5) Remember that I am who I am and that is good enough for me.
On that last note, even though I am in a slump, I should always want to grow as a person. That is what keeps us moving forward. Though someone may say things to drag me down, I know that only I can lift myself up. If you are feeling negative today or just want a little motivation for the week, I inserted a video of one of my favorite speakers. Les Brown. He will tell you how it is. He's honest, but he will get your thoughts turning in another direction. That's where I want to be today. We're not turning around looking at what happened yesterday, the week before or last month. We're moving forward.
Thanks for Reading
Hope you have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday
July 29, 2016
So this brings back memories! I was at the dollar store yesterday and found some matte blue lipstick. I got super excited because usually funky color lipsticks are color changing for kids. This one however was solid blue matte. I immediately wanted it. While holding in my hand trying to contain my excitement I thought about where I would where it to and when. And then it suddenly occurred to me probably only on Halloween. My elation deflated. I haven't worn blue lipstick since high school.
I remember every morning getting up super early, applying my lipstick, spraying my hair with blue hair spray, wearing fish net hose, combat boots, and a mini skirt. I remember taking the bus to school every morning, being in class, walking the halls, and going to football games and having a confidence I no longer possess. I know now that it was a false sort of confidence, but I do miss the sense of bravery I received from it.
You see I was very much an average girl in all things. Average hair, not brown, not blonde but some sort of color that could be described as dirty blonde. I was pale as a ghost or pink, never the rich tan color most teen girls strived for back then. No curves what to speak of, quite literally a walking stick, and bullied quite a bit and teased I was anorexic. Far from it, my favorite past time is eating. Pizza, Chinese and Ice Cream were my basic food groups. Judged for my cheery attitude was to hyper and weird. Never had a boyfriend til I was 16 and that didn't last long. I would be almost 19 before my second boyfriend, who for some reason married me and is still with me today.
I am a very strong believer on things happen for a reason. One day I wanted to play around with my make-up and get a more purple color of lipstick, not having the right shades I added blue eye shadow to a concoction. The result? Not purple, but a light colored blue. I liked it and went with it. My favorite color quickly changed from pink to blue and has stayed that way. I loved the fantasy look. Fairy's, witches, dragons. I loved the idea and as a result I liked the looks I received. People would stare and I didn't care that they thought I was a freak. Because I was freak on my OWN terms. Not theirs. No longer being snickered at that I was too skinny and alien, no longer told that I was weird because I was weird, didn't have a boyfriend or that I was still a virgin. I was the girl in the blue lipstick.
I was lucky enough to have friends that didn't care about my phase at all. They stuck around all through high school and some I still speak to today. I think they knew me and that I needed an outlet. I honestly can say not one friend even asked why blue? Just one day it was just who I was. It does make me sad though, I literally have no pictures of those 2 years. There are a few pictures of me glaring at the camera without my disguise, which I just found annoying that anyone would want a picture of me in the first place. So ununique. My parents and loved me, told me I was beautiful, but that was their job. Of course they think their child is wonderful. I just think all the snickering fed into my brain and I fell for the peer pressure, just like all teens do.
During this time though, I feel I really learned about relationships just by watching the mistakes of teens around me. Teen pregnancy did not pass by our school. Teen relationships were as fickle as they are today. And I learned that even though I was a blue freak, some boys still looked my way and even pursued me. I learned that you could be odd and boys will still try to see under your skirt. Hormones are hormones after all. And I wanted something that was going to last.
At some point before my senior year, I stopped wearing my blue lipstick that gave me confidence. I stopped wearing my mini skirts, fishnet tights, and corsets that made me feel sexy and gave me some sort of illusion of shape. I stopped wearing my lace up combat boots that made me feel strong. I stopped spraying my hair blue, no longer hiding my overwhelmingly average hair. It started out as time, I needed more time for sleep and studying. And then it suddenly became how do I possibly do neutrals? Light brown eye shadows and slightly tinted pink lip gloss. All of a sudden I wanted to be average and blend it. Had college on my mind. Work , study, focus and then my husband came along. A teen boy that was relentless. Just moved and new to our school, he had tons of energy and tried is hardest to be positive about his new home 1,900 miles away from his old one and friends. I wasn't sure at first but he was patient and willing to wait around.
What does my marriage have to do with blue lipstick. Not sure exactly. I just know that for two years I was growing into who I was and who I wanted to be and who I wanted to share myself with. Two years is a long time to be with oneself and I think it helped me really focus on me. Most teens were trying to please everyone and have adult relationships, while I was trying to stick out and be a strangling among all the humans. I wanted to be different for me and only me. I know adults didn't like it and I may have offended students at school with my choice of clothes and color scheme, but in the end I grew out of my rebel phase and into who I am today.
1) I guess my positive thoughts to share are don't let anyone bully you into changing who are and what you want to be.
2) Understand yourself and what you want out of life.
3) Don't rush into a relationship because you are lonely and think it's not normal to be on your own.
4) Your are a unique individual! There is no one like you, literally.
~ Have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday ~
July 19, 2016
July 16, I left the Boston Airport by bus to head back home. The ride there was a little sad but good to spend with a dear friend of mine. We talked about when we were younger, some of the silly things we did together, and some of hardships we went through.
She came to visit Maine all the way from El Paso, Texas. Her trip here was long and tiring, but she reassured me several times it was worth it. We went hiking on Black Cap mountain trail in New Hampshire. Went to Old Orchard Beach and got toasted in the sun. I feel like someone forgot about me in the oven. We waded out in the streams of Saco River. Meditated at the Maine Yoga Festival. Saw my niece's play and had to much seafood. It was amazing having my best friend here with me. I couldn't wait to show her how beautiful Maine is.
|Pine Point Beach|
Sitting on the bus to go back home I felt foolish for having spent 50 dollars to sit on a bus to and from the airport in one day, but my heart says it was totally worth it. To see her face for those few hours more. To eat lunch together one more time. To talk about future visits.
The time flew by to fast. The sandwich I had been eating was gone, the bus was pulling up and the driver stepping out to shout, “Portland, ME!”
One last hug. One last kiss. And then she's waving to me as the bus drives away. My heart, something feels wrong. Something is missing. It hurts. It's uncomfortable. I think she took a piece of me with her. I'm on the bus, alone. Pretty sure snot is running down my face. I don't care. I can feel the piece of my soul that is missing. I can remember it's laugh and it's smile. I'm remembering that one last hug. It wasn't enough.
You see my best friend is dear to me, she has known me all my life. She taught me that positivity is what makes everything beautiful. She taught me yoga and meditation is not only good for a peaceful life but can be fun as well. That God loves me for me. That books are fun and crocheting is a healthy addiction. That saving money is the goal but spending it on “together activities” is worth the time and the penny pinching. She taught me that love is not about how much you spend on another person but how much quality time you spend with that person.
This woman is the first person I call when something goes wrong. She's the first to hear when I'm excited. She lives so far away and yet she manages to hold so much love in her words. You see this woman, my best friend, is my mommy.
I just wanted to thank you for coming to visit me. I'm sorry it wasn't a lot of time. I'm sorry I had to work while you were here. But for me, it was perfect, just to see your face, that smile and hear you laugh. To feel your hugs and here you call me Tweetie Pie. I love you Mom.
~ Have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday ~