BFF in Vacationland

Just Arrived!

July 16, I left the Boston Airport by bus to head back home. The ride there was a little sad but good to spend with a dear friend of mine. We talked about when we were younger, some of the silly things we did together, and some of hardships we went through.

She came to visit Maine all the way from El Paso, Texas. Her trip here was long and tiring, but she reassured me several times it was worth it. We went hiking on Black Cap mountain trail in New Hampshire. Went to Old Orchard Beach and got toasted in the sun. I feel like someone forgot about me in the oven. We waded out in the streams of Saco River. Meditated at the Maine Yoga Festival. Saw my niece's play and had to much seafood. It was amazing having my best friend here with me. I couldn't wait to show her how beautiful Maine is.

Lighthouse

Antiquing

Hiking

Pine Point Beach

Sitting on the bus to go back home I felt foolish for having spent 50 dollars to sit on a bus to and from the airport in one day, but my heart says it was totally worth it. To see her face for those few hours more. To eat lunch together one more time. To talk about future visits.

The time flew by to fast. The sandwich I had been eating was gone, the bus was pulling up and the driver stepping out to shout, “Portland, ME!”

One last hug. One last kiss. And then she's waving to me as the bus drives away. My heart, something feels wrong. Something is missing. It hurts. It's uncomfortable. I think she took a piece of me with her. I'm on the bus, alone. Pretty sure snot is running down my face. I don't care. I can feel the piece of my soul that is missing. I can remember it's laugh and it's smile. I'm remembering that one last hug. It wasn't enough.

You see my best friend is dear to me, she has known me all my life. She taught me that positivity is what makes everything beautiful. She taught me yoga and meditation is not only good for a peaceful life but can be fun as well. That God loves me for me. That books are fun and crocheting is a healthy addiction. That saving money is the goal but spending it on “together activities” is worth the time and the penny pinching. She taught me that love is not about how much you spend on another person but how much quality time you spend with that person.

This woman is the first person I call when something goes wrong. She's the first to hear when I'm excited. She lives so far away and yet she manages to hold so much love in her words. You see this woman, my best friend, is my mommy.

I just wanted to thank you for coming to visit me. I'm sorry it wasn't a lot of time. I'm sorry I had to work while you were here. But for me, it was perfect, just to see your face, that smile and hear you laugh. To feel your hugs and here you call me Tweetie Pie. I love you Mom.

~ Have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday ~

Love Letters?

Should I be writing Love Letters to a married woman?

Let me explain. Recently a woman I am close with wrote me a letter, ultimately saying goodbye and that she could not take the struggle any longer. Her marriage has been rocky for several years now, she is raising a child that is not her own, she works long hours, and barely gets by on bills. Life was getting rough and her partner who is supposed to be a team player rooting for her, had stopped caring or participating. She had become a one woman team with a room mate who complained that the team wasn't making any goals.

The letter she wrote me was heart breaking. She was reaching out to me, not asking for help, but just letting me know she was done. She wanted someone to know that she had tried, and she wasn't giving up, but quitting the team altogether.

The letter through me. I didn't know what to say or how to fix the problem. The next few days it was stuck on my mind and I couldn't shake the feeling. I had a morning off from work and decided to stop into a shopping store. Passing by a rack, I saw shirts at fairly decent prices. Excited I started trying stuff on and by the end of my shopping spree, I only had one shirt in my shopping bag and it wasn't for me. In the end I bought my friend a shirt and some chocolate. When I got to her work place I just assumed I would get a sticky note and write her name on it. Instead I ended up with computer paper and a letter that made me cry.

I explained the shirt was beautiful just like her soul. And the chocolate was rich, just like her heart is rich with love. I spoke of her own inner strength. That it was deep within her and she could pull it forward on her own.

I thought writing the letter would make me feel like I was paying it forward. Make me happy and fuzzy inside. But as I wrote words of encouragement and strength, I became more saddened by each word. Was this my job? My responsibility? Perhaps as a friend, yes giving a loving word of advise and a small gift to bring joy for a moment. But as I finished up the letter I felt more and more like I was doing the man's job. Isn't your husband supposed to say he is sorry and send you flowers? Isn't he supposed to show up to your work and take you to lunch asking for forgiveness. Why was I the one to give her strength and hope, when I am not the one married to her? I'm not apart of the team. I'm not the coach or even the water-boy. If anything I may be a cheerleader, only standing on the side lines watching as the team attempts to make a goal happen.

In the end, it made her day, thanking me for my thoughts and gestures. How is her marriage? Still on the rocks. How is her job? Still long and hard labor. How are her bills? Still living a paycheck at a time. But for a moment she had a glow about her and in the end that is all that matters. That a small bit of hope was restored.

Have a Sweeter Day Than Yesterday  

Love the Unlovables

So I've been struggling lately with people I get frustrated with. There is someone in particular that I am losing my patience with and I just get angry every time I hear something about them or speak with them. I don't yell at them and I don't tell them I'm annoyed by the things that they do. I do, however, complain about them to my husband and I think about the things I wish I could tell them all the time. Which are usually blunt mean statements. Even though I know this person needs help and they don't know what they are doing wrong, I still let their actions get under my skin.

I also have been trying to take my bible studying seriously. Since I don't have a church where I currently live I don't have anyone telling me what to learn and look up. A friend of mine told me about New Spring Church  which is located in South Carolina. They are a growing church with several campuses and they record their serves to be posted. I watch them from time to time and I just noticed they have devotionals as well. Which would be more independent study. So I poked around clicked on a random devotional and started reading. How To Love the Unlovable.

Of course I had my bible app handy and started following along and was taking pen to paper when it started to sink in what this was all about. It ended up being about me and my mindset when it came to a certain person. 1 John 3:14-15 "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever hates not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer has eternal life abiding in him."

It really hit home. I may not be an actual murderer but in my heart I know that it is ruling me. It's creating darkness and a hate that isn't just staying directed at one person but spreading into conversation and views when I talk to my husband about things. When I read the devotion I knew immediately that God was telling me I need to let things go. Be more forgiving or at least understanding. This person is struggling with many things and I guess what upsets me is I don't see any attempt at trying to get better. But after reading the devotional, I know that my outlook and my lack of loving action is not helping solve anything either.

Positive thought for this week is to be understanding of other's pain. To be more gentle and loving toward others no matter their actions. And lastly to help those who need it most and don't realize how lost they are.

Thanks for reading 

Have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday