Dwell or Swell

Esteem

I've been down in the dumps guys! I need a pick me up. Usually yoga and some friend time can get me back on track. This time I just feel like I'm on a roll a coaster. While scrolling through Pinterest I came across this artwork and immediately felt connected to it. Sad? Yes, but even as an adult we still have self esteem issues. They just tend to warp into other things. Instead of being self conscious about your body you are always judging your career or material items like cars, and other things based on those around you. Instead of focusing on building yourself, you're too busy watching someone else climb to new heights, through their career or some grand adventure. There's nothing wrong with this, we all do it. The trick is not to fall into it for years.

My self esteem issues fluctuate. There are times when I am disappointed in my career and other times I am thankful for the people I have met along the way and know I wouldn't have met them otherwise. Or some of the things I have experienced. This week's issues are the things people say to me.

Everyone get's their feelings hurt. That's normal. Maybe you get a little embarrassed but you learn from your mistakes. Sometimes we can't help who we are though. Or the people doing the talking don't realize what they are saying. My own personal issue is dwelling. I like to repeat what people say to me over and over again in my head. My mind manipulates what they say and maximizes it, putting more meaning into their words. They do not come right out and tell me they hate me, but that is what I hear. Angry words said aloud turn into sad thoughts and memories later.

My husband and I are different in many ways. I dwell on things and he likes to keep the past in the past. I am my own worst enemy. In truth, we all are. We all can make anything happen if we would only get out of our own way. Fear is a common self esteem factor. What if that? What if this? I stop and look both ways. My husband glances left and right and jumps. I think that's why we do so well together. Because I can fester and dwell, repeating things in my head again and again, finally tell my husband how I heard it and what it has done to me mentally and he can turn around and say screw them and move on. He shrugs it off, tells me what I need to hear and we keep going.

But the words are still in my head. The tone in which it was said is still warm from the hot poker it was imprinted with. They still sting my eyes when I think of them.

How am I going to solve my slump?

1) Remember that I can not change those around me. They will always be who they are no matter how much I try to change for them.

2) Remember that the things they say aren't who I am.

3) Remember that I am stronger than their words.

4) Remember they are just words meant in that moment and they do not reflect the person as a whole.

5) Remember that I am who I am and that is good enough for me.

On that last note, even though I am in a slump, I should always want to grow as a person. That is what keeps us moving forward. Though someone may say things to drag me down, I know that only I can lift myself up. If you are feeling negative today or just want a little motivation for the week, I inserted a video of one of my favorite speakers. Les Brown. He will tell you how it is. He's honest, but he will get your thoughts turning in another direction. That's where I want to be today. We're not turning around looking at what happened yesterday, the week before or last month. We're moving forward. 

As always 

Thanks for Reading 

Hope you have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday

Pizza Sex Metaphor

Ted Talks:Al Vernacchino

I love Ted Talks! I found them when looking for entrepreneur advice. There are a great deal of Ted Talks that are leadership and business influential. I honestly don't remember my first Ted Talks experience was, but I know I quickly became addicted to them. I love the thoughts and ideas the speakers bring to each of their speeches. They are all extremely different from each, none are alike. I've watched some on self esteem, on entrepreneurship, and now I've seen one on a new metaphor model for sex.

These talks are fascinating and I couldn't help but smile throughout the video. But there were other parts where I went into deep thought, remembering high school and being a confused teen. The speaker, Al Vernacchio, goes over a comparison of the typical Baseball model for sex and his own Pizza metaphor. I remember the boys talking in the halls Monday mornings, "Did you score, man?" I remember hearing girls even speak about the bases, "Really, you let him get to second base?" But there was something that hit me when the speaker claimed the Baseball metaphor implies a competition. Sports are competitive. If our sex metaphor is based off of a sport doesn't that imply that it is a competition as well? Maybe not right away, but for those who are struggling teens trying to be adults, sex suddenly becomes a goal that is a must reach because someone is going to beat you to it.

The speaker talks of how Baseball is a sport, which in some cases someone who is not extremely athletic can already feel singled out. And how talking about it like a sport is pushing teens to think of it as a goal or win once achieved intercourse. Creating a bad taste in some mouths while in other's a taste of how behind am I than everyone else?

The new model or metaphor for Sex should be Pizza the speaker suggests, because everyone loves pizza but you're not always in the mood for it. Perfect! All of a sudden sex isn't a must or goal, it has a time and a place. Pizza is when you are hungry, when you're ready. It's delicious and the toppings change based on the person you are dining with. No more First Base, Second and Third. Now it can be what everyone is comfortable with, and when.

I loved this talk and the idea of it. I plan on teaching it to my kids if and when I have any. The idea is simple and yet it could change a the way teens think about sex. I imagined myself as teen and thinking about the Pizza Metaphor, not only do I think I would have laughed hearing it, but I think I would have been more comfortable with idea of it. Teens are still going to talk about sex, they are still going to pressure one another, and they are still going to have it before they are ready. But the idea of taking your time about it. Especially with someone who shares your likes and dislikes, which also takes time to learn.

What do you think of this new Sex Metaphor? Do you would have thought about sex differently growing up?

Have a Sweeter Day than Yesterday

Add Value To Others

So for a little over two years now I have been trying to bring more positivity into my life. I tend to be a worrier, a dweller, and someone who doesn't always have high esteem. While working at a company called Candy Craze my boss thought pretty high of me. She trusted me to run the store and handle things while she traveled to help other stores. While working for her she bought me a book to read during down time at work. The book was written by John C. Maxwell. I never finished the book, but I started following John Maxwell online as well as researched other popular speakers.

John Maxwell Books

One out of several reasons why I enjoyed my time working at Candy Craze was the faith that my boss had me; that I could get the job done. And that she wanted more for me as a person. Adding values to others is what makes a great leader. A quote by Tom Peters, "Leaders don't create followers, they create more leaders," reminds me of her teaching methods and her energy.

Every time I think of my old boss I think of a great leader. She wanted what was best for everyone. She was fair in her decisions and what she expected of me and others. But what I loved most is the creativity and positivity that she passed on to me. I miss her greatly. 

This thought for the week came from my daily video from John Maxwell. He has a new video every day that is based on one word or phrase that is a positive outlook and seeing oneself more as a leader. So the word of the day was Add Value. If you are someone who is always waiting for good things to happen to you, I suggest you watch this video and sign up to receive the other daily videos. Because you need to make your future, it unfortunately it will not fall into your lap. 

The video really hit me though. John speaks about adding value to others around you. Not waking up every morning wanting someone to add value to you. Adding values to others is what makes you a great leader as well as a better person and it also makes you a more positive person as a whole. 

Well that's what was on my mind. So start being a positive influence in someone's life and you're bound to be a happier person with great opportunities. 

Thanks for reading 

my 

thoughts!

~~

Have a Sweeter Day 

Than

Yesterday