My self esteem issues fluctuate. There are times when I am disappointed in my career and other times I am thankful for the people I have met along the way and know I wouldn't have met them otherwise. Or some of the things I have experienced. This week's issues are the things people say to me.
Everyone get's their feelings hurt. That's normal. Maybe you get a little embarrassed but you learn from your mistakes. Sometimes we can't help who we are though. Or the people doing the talking don't realize what they are saying. My own personal issue is dwelling. I like to repeat what people say to me over and over again in my head. My mind manipulates what they say and maximizes it, putting more meaning into their words. They do not come right out and tell me they hate me, but that is what I hear. Angry words said aloud turn into sad thoughts and memories later.
My husband and I are different in many ways. I dwell on things and he likes to keep the past in the past. I am my own worst enemy. In truth, we all are. We all can make anything happen if we would only get out of our own way. Fear is a common self esteem factor. What if that? What if this? I stop and look both ways. My husband glances left and right and jumps. I think that's why we do so well together. Because I can fester and dwell, repeating things in my head again and again, finally tell my husband how I heard it and what it has done to me mentally and he can turn around and say screw them and move on. He shrugs it off, tells me what I need to hear and we keep going.
But the words are still in my head. The tone in which it was said is still warm from the hot poker it was imprinted with. They still sting my eyes when I think of them.
How am I going to solve my slump?
1) Remember that I can not change those around me. They will always be who they are no matter how much I try to change for them.
2) Remember that the things they say aren't who I am.
3) Remember that I am stronger than their words.
4) Remember they are just words meant in that moment and they do not reflect the person as a whole.
5) Remember that I am who I am and that is good enough for me.